Am i refreshing the Prapai/Sky on AO3 every hour? Hell yes i am. Am i desperate? Hell yes i am. Will i write my own? Well no not really. But i love them. I love sky so much.
you know who actually shows up at savage animal attacks and gets shit done? firefighters, emts, and park rangers.
instead of threatening to shoot edward, he threatens to set him on fire, which has the actual ability to frighten a vampire
imagine charlie showing up to the airport in a firetruck to pick bella up
long 24-hour shifts overnight at the fire station so bella can try to fuck edward in peace without vampires or dads listening in
charlie could be on the scene after the wolves burn laurent and notices the weird smoke
and maybe something vaguely spooky and humanoid in the cinders?
the cullens and wolves have to plan around the fire safety response to a bunch of bonfires after the newborn fight in eclipse
charlie knows bella’s old ballet studio was burned by arsonists. but why? hmm…
he makes sure the cullens have plenty of fire extinguishers around the house after edward and bella get married, which endears him to them
he also taught bella how to make makeshift flamethrowers to convince her he was the cool parent (divorce, amirite), so like… try fucking with her when she has a can of hairspray and a bic lighter, victoria
imagine the cullens at the semi-annual “support our firefighters!” pancake breakfast choking down pancake after pancake because the fire department needs the cash and charlie wouldn’t accept their money without feeding them a hearty meal
oh yeah, fire chief charlie can cook because he and his coworkers take shifts cooking at the station and he’s not a helpless grown man who foists household duties on his teenage child
#onlyingotham do you pick up a batarang and you leave it in you pocket and it become a sort of accidental stim to run you fingers over it when you're nervous and then be up on the roof one night clearing your thoughts when you accidently cut yourself (there was a lot of blood but that's more because I'm on blood thinners for a genetic heart thing) and accidently swear and drop the batarang. Batman appeared and apologised. I had to tell him that I did it myself. He then got really worried and asked me if I was hurting myself intentionally and gave me a card with a crisis phone number on it and a list of recommended therapists. As he bandaged my hand up I had to explain that no. I was not not doing that either. I'm just a dumbass and have been using his batarang that I found as a fidget toy.
He just kinda stopped for a second. Apparently he has a pocket specifically for fiddly things and he actually let me choose one to keep.
garcia suggested monopoly once for one of their games night. it did not go well. hotch has since banned monopoly.
a short list of things that hotch has also banned:
- fidget spinners
- tequila
- the theme song from iCarly
- cardboard cut outs of any celebrity (this one was triggered by emily and derek fighting over a cardboard cut out of megan fox until they ripped cardboard megan’s head off)
- laser pens
(all of these were banned on the same day)
spencer ties derek’s ties for him
jj joins the pta at henry’s school because she wants to be more involved, but she comes back from every meeting ready to kill one of the other moms and emily has to calm her down
she drags herself to one of the weekly meetings after a long case and is half asleep when she agrees to make all the costumes for the school play
garcia is more than happy to take over and sew a costume for every character in the nativity
rossi’s go to karaoke song is don’t stop believing
hotch is the reigning limbo champion
spencer loves the way hardback books look on his shelves, but prefers paperbacks when he’s reading because they’re lighter and more comfortable to hold
emily needs glasses to read but she refuses to wear them and ends up giving herself a headache
spencer always has painkillers on hand since his own migraines started, but has to recruit derek to convince her to take them because emily will never admit there’s anything wrong
rossi cries whenever a dog dies in a film
spencer is scared of birds - “they evolved from dinosaurs! they survived whatever killed the t-rex, they are not harmless!”
hotch buys a fridge magnet from every town they ever visit on a case
rossi has banned everyone from (especially emily) from attempting an italian accent
garcia does derek’s eyebrows for him
spencer doesn’t like to drink, but give him a fruity cocktail and he’ll drink like a fish
emily drinks tequila like it’s water and she’s the reason it has been banned
garcia tries to organise regular quiz nights, it goes well until different team members wants to help write the quiz questions
spencer has a science round full of questions no one can even read, nevermind answer
hotch has a round full of history themed questions which everyone enjoys until emily finds out the vlad the impaler was a real person and she now refers to every male as ‘their name - the impaler’
spencer has a pet turtle called gottfried leibniz, because he feels isaac newton gets all the credit for inventing calculs
every time emily has to flirt with an unsub she makes hotch buy her a tequila shot (it’s the only exception to the ban he’ll make)
the team accidentally stumble into a gay bar once, spencer doesn’t realise that all these men are flirting with him and thinks they’re just giving him their phone numbers because they want to be friends
he’s had too many fruity cocktails when emily and hotch try to explain it to him, “so they don’t want to be my friends?” he asks with tears in his eyes
“it’s not that they don’t like you, rather the opposite- they want to be more than friends”
“like best friends?”
“something like that,” hotch says hesitantly
“no genius, they want to fuck you in the ass,” emily says bluntly, at the same time
